Gotta get going........

This is what the kitchen/dining room/living room currently looks like. Of course, by this evening, PJ is going to start the demolition, so it should probably look just a tad bit more cleaned out and organized. Oh, and we discovered some issues with rain and cabinets being stored outside last night, and so had to bring them inside - thus throwing off my plan of moving stuff into the living room during construction.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to get it in gear today. And I was doing so well up until now. Each day, I managed to get a bit more done with packing/taking down, etc., as well as keeping up on everything else I need to do every day. The kitchen is roughly 1/3 packed.

I actually woke up at 7:15 and couldn't get back to sleep, so was up, dressed and bed made by 7:45 (which, if you know me at all, you realize is akin to a miracle). However, since then, I've frittered the rest of the morning away, farting around on the computer, talking on the phone, shopping for Mother's Day, etc.. I also need to go to Wal-Mart for a few things, so I'll do that after getting Mace to preschool. Which will leave me maybe 1 hour before picking up the boys from school. Oh, and PJ might be getting off at 2 today, which means even less time.

So, basically, I'm screwed. Where do I find the impetus to JUST GET UP?

But then again, I do work best under pressure, so maybe that's what this is all about......

Here you go, Tristen

Remember when I posted all those pictures, and there were none of Tristen? Well, here's why:


But, in case in years to come he whines about there being no pictures of him, here are your pics, Dude. This is what you gave me to work with. Enjoy.

Swine Flu - Eewww!

So I'm trying not to freak out about this, which is weird for me. I'm usually pretty good about not over-reacting to this kind of thing, keeping it in perspective and all. But for some reason, this Swine Flu outbreak has induced a small panic in me.

I really shouldn't watch any more of those world/society-ending disaster type movies, because that's all I can think about when I allow myself to think about it. Scenes from I Am Legend and other post-Apocolyptic movies flash through my mind, scaring the crap out of me. I've always said that if something bad happens to the world, I'd like to be in the center of it to make sure my whole family just goes in it. I just can't handle thinking of the kids having to survive without us, or us without them, or just some of us............

Not that I really believe this is THE END, or even the beginning, but who really knows, ya know? In the meantime, we're handwashing and hand sanitizing like crazy, and PJ has ordered me to yank the kids out of school at the first sign of it being around here.

Perhaps this is an early pregnancy sign? 'Cause I always get really paranoid when I'm pregnant. (Yeah, I know, probably just wishful thinking.)

Or it could just be a coping mechanism, where my excruciatingly stressed-out mind and body are trying to divert me from thinking about what needs to be done, is going to be done, and what could (will! I know it will!) go wrong with the kitchen remodel right now. Oh, and the cold that is trying so desperately to drop me on my face.Please, just let me be pregnant and paranoid, not validated in my paranoia.

And now, back to The Kitchen. See y'all in a few days.

Auntie Kyle's Obituary

From the San Diego Union-Tribune:

Kyle "Miss Kyle" Flanagan-Kochel

FLANAGAN-KOCHEL, KYLE aka MISS KYLE August 10, 1952 to April 15, 2009

Miss Kyle has left us. Kyle was a mother, wife, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, friend and lover. She was a volunteer and a friend to children; a warrior princess, horse player, pool player, and fisher woman; a team mom and cupcake baker. She was loyal, funny, smart and intelligent. An educator and a tolerator; bed maker, laundry doer, knee bandager and cat bather. She also was a Barbie doll collector. These were some of the things that Kyle was to us and others. She will be greatly missed. Good-Bye Love.

Memorial Service to be held May 3rd, at Cabrillo Heights Park at 2 p.m.

Some random recent photos

Why are there so many of MaraJade, you ask? Because she's the only child who cooperates these days!

Why are there none of Tristen? Because: a) he's at school when I often get the wild hair to take pictures, and b) remember that cooperation thing I was talking about? His shots are really quite awful these days, and c)because the one I really liked and tried to load just wouldn't work.

While Mom's Away...

This is what I came home to the Saturday before Easter:

.

I had been gone for all of an hour or so. And PJ's response? "I told them they could write on their hands." Seriously? Dude, you've known these kids as long as I have. And what the pictures don't show is that their entire bodies were covered in pen scribbles - arms, legs, feet, bellies, backs. And what with it being the day before Easter and me being the crazy perfection-seeker that I am, I'm quite proud that I only went a tiny bit crazy, then calmly scrubbed them down, over and over again.

Kyle Maureen Flanagan Kochel - 1952-2009

My aunt Kyle passed away last night after fighting cancer for about a year. It was very sudden - we didn't know it had spread to her lungs and brain until last week, and she'd only had 1 radiation treatment, so at least she didn't suffer overly.

Unfortunately, we weren't particularly close; she lived far away and battled drugs and a difficult lifestyle for much of my young years, but overcame all that, pulled herself together, and had a baby at 40. She loved her son Brandon desperately and lived for him. They always lived in San Diego and I saw her a few times in my life, but heard many stories from my mom and Aunt Linda. I can't imagine losing one of my 4 sisters, no matter how close we were/weren't. I'm very sad for my mom, aunt and grandparents.

And so here is a brief retrospective of Kyle:

Four Generations of Flanagan Ladies
Back Row L-R: Auntie Kyle, Auntie Linda, Dee (Linda's daughter), Momma
Next Row: Andi, Zoe (Andi's daughter), Mel, Grandma Donna

Grandpa Joe, Grandma Donna, Auntie Kyle, Auntie Linda, Momma - circa 1986?

Auntie Kyle, Momma, Auntie Linda - circa 1960?

I know that Heavenly Father called her home when her time here was done - not sooner, not later. I find comfort in knowing where she is and how happy she must be now.

Sick of sick

So my aunt (my mom's younger sister) has been sick for about a year. They thought it was Hepatitis to start with, turns out it was liver cancer. They've been treating that, then as of last week, she started having seizures and it turns out it has spread to her lungs and brain. This morning, my mom calls and says, "Auntie Kyle died this morning." We talk for a few minutes, then she sees her other sister is on call waiting, so we hang up. I call my sister, pass the news on, then Momma calls me back. So my other aunt, after hearing the news from my mom, called my grandma, who lives in San Diego near Auntie Kyle. Grandma tells her that Kyle had a seizure last night and again this morning, and is still alive, but not expected to last long. Apparently, my grandpa (who lives in Seattle near my mom) was the one who told my mom the wrong news. Leave it to a man to turn "not going to last long" into "she's gone". So at least there's a little bit of time left to make phone calls and say goodbyes, hopefully.

This all happened after a day of me reading blogs and getting updates from friends and friends of friends who have children with cancer or other unknown sicknesses. My heart breaks for these parents having to watch their babies suffer and not being able to take it from them. A little boy about Tristen's age was diagnosed with Leukemia when he was 2. I knew his mom from the cloth diapering/sling world via the Web. They had a horrible fight with doctors and complications and all sorts of stuff. I had eventually lost contact and stopped keeping up a couple of years ago, when he was still struggling, but stable. So yesterday, I look their family up and discover that he passed away last May after fighting for 4 years.

I know Heavenly Father has a plan for us all. I know without a doubt that He loves each of us more than we could ever conceive of, and wants to spare us whatever He can. But for some, their plan includes the unspeakable trial of having a child go through something like this, and often times, having to let that baby go back to Heavenly Father. And so often, I wonder, why them and not me? Goodness knows I'm often not worthy of the wonderful, healthy children I have. If anyone needed a trial like that to show me just how much I have & how I take it for granted, it's me. If anyone needed to have a time where they were forced to concede control of their family's well-being into someone else's care, it's me. So why have I thus far been spared any sort of tragedy in my life, when others have had to endure so much? But then, my greatest complaint throughout my life has been, "That's not fair!" I can't count the number of times my dad told me, "Well, life's not fair." And it's not, and that just stinks.

And so all I can do is pray for these families, and thank my Heavenly Father every single day for the gift that is my family. I know I am not worthy of them, but am so grateful for whatever He sees in me to have blessed me thusly.

Happy Easter

Trying to get Easter "done" right after getting back from vacation was a little crazy, but in the end, we had a nice, low-key Easter, with - I believe - the focus where it should be. We had several discussions about the real meaning of Easter, Mace had a talk in Primary about it, and we watched Finding Faith in Christ after dinner and "the Hunt" at Grandma and Grandpa's.

Overall, a very nice day.

Viva Las Vegas?

PJ had a conference in Vegas - like he does every year - and this year, I actually got to go! So it was 3 1/2 days of lying around the pool, eating good food, and talking to people I pretty much don't know.

It was nice; our hotel - the Red Rock Casino/Hotel - was fabulous and made us feel like we were more special than we actually are; I spent many hours either at the pools or in my giant tub, slept in and napped each day; and generally lazed around.

However, I don't think Vegas is really my town. It's flashy and fancy and all that, but it felt a bit soulless to me. I guess I wasn't expecting that. And it felt very desperate and kind of sad. I liked that our hotel was not on the Strip, it was newer and therefore not as smoky and grimy, and we had a beautiful view of the canyon. So, overall, it was relaxing and the accomodations were nice, but I don't think I'll go out of my way to head back to Vegas. And 3 1/2 days was plenty - I was definitely ready to go home. Guess I'm just a homebody. :-)